Sentouki
by MyDirtyLittleSecret
Summary: Short fic on Soubi's thoughts after Seimei died.


Disclaimer: I would love to say I had some ownership over Loveless, but sadly I don't. So I just write about it.

A/N: I wrote this after watching Loveless again. It got me thinking about how Soubi felt about everything. Hopefully, this is semi-accurate of how he thought of things. Hope you enjoy. And feed back is always lovely. :D I've now revised this about three times so hopefully all the errors are gone. Please let me know if any remain.

**Sentouki**

Sentouki and Sacrifices are bound together stronger than any possible human bond. Bound beyond love, beyond words, beyond all else. They are bound by name from before they are born. Their souls are bound together before they take their first breath. I lived my whole life knowing there was a Sacrifice with the same name as mine. He was waiting for me. For him, I could endure anything if only I knew he would protect me and love me like only a Sacrifice can love a Sentouki. I would do the same for him.

Beloved: to be loved deeply.

I believed I was destined to be loved by my Sacrifice. That love would make us the perfect fighting pair. After all can't love destroy anything? How foolishly naive. The thought brings a smile to my lips now.

When I met Seimei I loved him instantly. I swore I would fight to protect him. I had trained to become the perfect Sentouki for him. I wanted to prove my worth to him so that he would love me. When we bonded he branded his name into my skin. The pain was beyond anything I'd ever felt. It was almost beyond what I could endure, but I stared into his eyes and gritted my teeth. For him, I would do anything.

I wish I could say he would have done the same for me. To him, I was only a fighter. I think he felt affection towards me like one would feel for a pet. There was nothing more. Nothing like the blind devotion I placed into his hands. No one else could see it. I threw myself into every fight, striving to become better. Perhaps if I became stronger he would love me.

We were the perfect fighting team. Because of my zeal to protect and love him I was unbeatable. Pain did not frighten me, my opponents spells had no effect on me, and I would not be beaten. I fought for him. He ordered me to do as he said. I gladly obeyed. After all wasn't that how it was supposed to be?

Despite all that not once did he ever say he loved me.

When Seimei died my world shattered. The vivid colors of the world greyed to my eyes. I walked in a fog. I barely ate. I barely slept. I could hardly function. There was no life without Seimei. I had given everything to him. I had sworn to protect him, but he died anyway. I should have been there to save him. He didn't even call me.

I knew he died because I could feel it when his soul was ripped from mine. Our bond was torn to shreds. It felt like my heart was being torn from my chest. I remember screaming as tears poured down my face. I screamed until I couldn't breathe anymore. The brand on my neck bled like crimson tears and didn't stop for days. That was when I began to wear the bandages around my neck. I vaguely remember my friend Kio wrapping my bleeding brand carefully as I laid curled up on my bed unable to move.

I should have died. A Sentouki can not survive without his Sacrifice. The bond that held us tighter than any spider's weaving was destroyed. I had no reason to live–nothing to fight to protect. I nearly did die until Kio found the letter Seimei left for me. He had pressed it into my limps fingers hoping that perhaps whatever was written inside would give me back the will to live. Kio would never know how completely he had saved me that day by putting a simple letter into my hand.

The first time I read it I was furious. There were no words of apology or explanation– just one finally order. I was to find his younger brother and become his Sentouki. I was to obey this order without question. I wanted to hate Seimei in that moment. He left me to become someone else's Sentouki. It was impossible. Such a thing had never happened before. Yet, Seimei dared to order me to do so. I realized in that moment I really hadn't meant anything to him other than as fighter to his Sacrifice. I was a tool. Nothing more–not to him.

Still, despite the violation of rules such an act posed I had to do it. Seimei had ordered it. I could not disobey. Not even to the dead. But I could not so easily forget Seimei and just move on. I didn't want to belong to anyone else. I had belonged to Beloved. I was nothing without him. Being the perfect Sentouki meant nothing if he wasn't my sacrifice. The idea of bonding another made me sick at heart.

I went through the motions of living in those months after Seimei's death. His final order stayed tucked in my pocket but I could not find the will to do as he said. Not yet. The world remained grey to my eyes.

At last, I could no longer avoid my Sacrifice's final order. I went looking for Ritsuka as I had been instructed to. I first saw the boy through the window of his classroom. He was staring out at the clouds listlessly. There was such a torn, saddened look in his eyes that immediately I felt a connection. We had both lost the person in our lives that made our lives worth living. I could feel his fractured heart calling to me even through the glass that divided us. I had found my purpose again.

The world seemed to explode in a collusion of colors. Those beautiful haunted eyes had broken through the grey to wrap around my heart. I fell in love with one look. I wanted more than anything to make those eyes shine with happiness and most of all love. I wanted more than anything to be the one he loved. I wanted to be the one that made his world come alive again.

I didn't understand why Seimei had sent me to be Ritsuka's sentouki. Perhaps he thought we could mend each other. Maybe he wanted me to simply watch over him until he was give the Sentouki that matches his true name. I don't know. All I know is that thanks to that final order I was given something more precious than I could ever imagine. I'm not about to lose it.

I swore to protect and love Ritsuka with all my heart and soul. This time I won't fail.

I sealed that bond with a kiss.

**Sentouki**

Finis!

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